Honestly this goes out to you C. For inspiring me to write and never leave a day without reflection.
I'm grateful to live in a a day and age when sharing is so special. We share everything with each other. Sometimes too much, but at least we are doing it right? Spotify shares weekly discoveries that match my tastes and DANG do they match.
17 by Youth Lagoon
The emotion and nostalgic power of that song, SHEESH.
When I was 17, my mother said to me, don't stop imagining, the day that you do is the day that you die.
Inspired me to make a film of me being happy through the pain. Smiling through the hurt. It's nostalgic about the past and reflective of the pain, but HAPPY. Laughing. Dancing. Singing.
Back to the mountains August 17th and happy about it. So happy. I miss my true friends. The sweet girls. The sweet boys. Be a sweet one. BE A SWEET ONE.
This post is choppy and useless and dull but my life is like that sometimes. I get annoyed with the routine but fall in love with the potential. Thoughts of the future get me through. Thoughts of being independent and strong.
I sorta have a crush on him but he's not mine. He is sweet, really. Says he waited for me. He was young then. Anchorman 2 in the car was his favorite. We didn't watch much. Distracted with the tangled emotions. I don't remember it all but I wish I did now. Now that he is older and talks to me more than any other friends. He cares and sometimes that's all I really need.
someone who cares
C is gorgeous and creative, she doesn't know what is in store for her. She could be a big influence in the world. She is the peacekeeper of both sides. The spiritual and the careless. The party and the prayer. She is a lover of love; both the give and take.
B is adventure. She breathes adrenaline. She is the only one to ever hold my pace. We run over rocks together step by step in sync. Hair flying. Bruised knees. Stained clothes. That is being with B. Never will I deny my love for her.
K is comfort. She is the one who raises you up. Makes you feel like you deserve the best. She loves everything new and old. Outdoors and indoors. She loves people. She loves burgers. She can talk to anyone like she misses them. Like she wants to see them more often. She just really cares & that's refreshing.
E is everything to me. She is the only friend I have ever cried to. She is the only person outside of my family that I have let hold me as I sobbed. I LOVE HER. She is the epitome of class, intelligence, and strength. She is emotional and connected like me. We are the perfect duo and I wouldn't trade her for the world.
S is like a sister. I miss her. She scratched my back on long flights and talked to me about everything on my mind. We are gonna live together and have countless late chats I'm sure. I love her because when I'm with her I'm just happy. She's happy.
Sometimes I cry when I think of the blessed people who invest in me as friends. I live a life of happiness because of those I love.
Thank you.
Thursday, July 23, 2015
Monday, July 6, 2015
I love you dad
Today I am writing about something that is important to me. On July 8th, 2014 my dad was diagnosed with Huntington's Disease. Prior to his diagnosis I had done research and basically decided for myself that I thought he had this particular disease and that getting him tested would be a good idea. I was hoping I was wrong, but knew I was right. Huntington's Disease is a currently incurable, horrible, degenerative disease that gradually chips away at every aspect of a person. It takes a toll on people mentally, physically, and emotionally.
After the doctors confirmed that my dad did indeed suffer from this disease I googled symptoms and read horror stories of victims until I was sobbing. Every person progresses in the disease differently. I have seen the changes in my dad physically as he has lost a lot of his ability to exercise and build muscle. I have seen him struggle with his speech and thinking of what he is trying to say. It has affected him in more ways than I would have ever imagined and has been a struggle for both him and our family, but honestly, he has it good.
He has continued doing an amazing job in his career and has kept up with his responsibilities in church. He has proven that he can continue being the man he was and that he doesn't have to let the disease define him. There are so many cases of people with Huntington's Disease that are worse. Cases of people who die within 5 years of being diagnosed. People who completely lose their ability to speak within 2 years and have to be sent to nursing homes at the young age of 40. I am thankful for my dad and love him more than I could ever express. He is a great example to me of how to be strong through times of trial.
But there's more. Huntington's Disease is genetic. Most people get the disease through an affected parent with the mutated gene. My dad has a rare case of a mutated gene that randomly developed not as a result of a parent having it. Even though he did not receive it from a parent, from this generation on, it is genetic. There is a 50% chance my brothers and I could have Huntington's Disease. This didn't set in at first. All I could think about was my dad and the hardships he would face and whether or not he would be okay. But one day while talking to a close friend about everything on my mind, I realized that I was in this too. It is a painstaking situation. Not knowing whether or not you want to be tested, not knowing what you would do if it was positive, and not knowing what the future holds.
Through all of this, the one and only true comfort has been through my Heavenly Father. I have prayed countless times to find solace and comfort in him and every time I have felt his love wrap around me letting me know it will all be okay. I don't know if this will be just my dad's burden or my brothers and mine too. But what I do know is that I feel a strong confirmation that I will have a family one day and will live a life up to the potential I know I can. I have confidence in the plan of my God and know that if I trust in him, everything will be okay.
Today as I have thought about this disease and its ripple affects through families and generations, I feel it confirmed to me that I need to do something about this. Cancer, Alzheimer's, Parkinsons, and other big name diseases have countless fundraisers that raise awareness and money to help find cures. Huntington's doesn't have the same following. 1 in 30,000 people in America suffer from Huntington's. Even though this is only a small blog post probably being read by only a few family a friends, this is the beginning. I am starting today to think of ways and ideas for new fundraisers to help with gaining both funds and awareness for Huntington's. We live in a world of so much innovation and technology and I believe that the cure is close. Because I have a family member so close to me affected, I intend to do my share to aid in that.
This is the beginning of what I hope to be an eye-opening and enlightening journey to finding the cure. I love all my friends and family and am thankful for everyone who has shown love and support to both me and my family. I am ready to make a change.
After the doctors confirmed that my dad did indeed suffer from this disease I googled symptoms and read horror stories of victims until I was sobbing. Every person progresses in the disease differently. I have seen the changes in my dad physically as he has lost a lot of his ability to exercise and build muscle. I have seen him struggle with his speech and thinking of what he is trying to say. It has affected him in more ways than I would have ever imagined and has been a struggle for both him and our family, but honestly, he has it good.
He has continued doing an amazing job in his career and has kept up with his responsibilities in church. He has proven that he can continue being the man he was and that he doesn't have to let the disease define him. There are so many cases of people with Huntington's Disease that are worse. Cases of people who die within 5 years of being diagnosed. People who completely lose their ability to speak within 2 years and have to be sent to nursing homes at the young age of 40. I am thankful for my dad and love him more than I could ever express. He is a great example to me of how to be strong through times of trial.
But there's more. Huntington's Disease is genetic. Most people get the disease through an affected parent with the mutated gene. My dad has a rare case of a mutated gene that randomly developed not as a result of a parent having it. Even though he did not receive it from a parent, from this generation on, it is genetic. There is a 50% chance my brothers and I could have Huntington's Disease. This didn't set in at first. All I could think about was my dad and the hardships he would face and whether or not he would be okay. But one day while talking to a close friend about everything on my mind, I realized that I was in this too. It is a painstaking situation. Not knowing whether or not you want to be tested, not knowing what you would do if it was positive, and not knowing what the future holds.
Through all of this, the one and only true comfort has been through my Heavenly Father. I have prayed countless times to find solace and comfort in him and every time I have felt his love wrap around me letting me know it will all be okay. I don't know if this will be just my dad's burden or my brothers and mine too. But what I do know is that I feel a strong confirmation that I will have a family one day and will live a life up to the potential I know I can. I have confidence in the plan of my God and know that if I trust in him, everything will be okay.
Today as I have thought about this disease and its ripple affects through families and generations, I feel it confirmed to me that I need to do something about this. Cancer, Alzheimer's, Parkinsons, and other big name diseases have countless fundraisers that raise awareness and money to help find cures. Huntington's doesn't have the same following. 1 in 30,000 people in America suffer from Huntington's. Even though this is only a small blog post probably being read by only a few family a friends, this is the beginning. I am starting today to think of ways and ideas for new fundraisers to help with gaining both funds and awareness for Huntington's. We live in a world of so much innovation and technology and I believe that the cure is close. Because I have a family member so close to me affected, I intend to do my share to aid in that.
This is the beginning of what I hope to be an eye-opening and enlightening journey to finding the cure. I love all my friends and family and am thankful for everyone who has shown love and support to both me and my family. I am ready to make a change.
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