stay gold

Thinking again. Analyzing, really.

Been learning a lot in my health classes about empowerment, security, opportunity and their importance to our health. That is quite the novel concept. Truly LIVING our lives brings about good health. Taking control lowers our chances of cardiovascular disease. Our bodies crave being in control and taking opportunities in life head on with confidence.

that rings so true to me

I'm in a phase in my life where I am weighing my options. Medical School, Health Administration, Public Health, Public Administration?? Something else?? I've been learning and growing and feel such a fire in me to keep going. Like a masters degree feels nice. It feels secure and intelligent and intriguing, honestly. With all the changes lately I've had time to reflect and realize that I am valuable to the world. I have so much to offer and I am going to be able to have a contribution to the health world in whatever I end up doing.

I've been missing someone who used to be close to me

But the truth is. I deserve to feel really and truly loved. I deserve to have someone who is loyal to me and someone who will stay by my side with the knowledge that I'm the one. If someone can't give me that, they really are not worth my time.

I thought today about that night that he brought me flowers and we went to the drive thru at chick fil a to get a shake. We sang Home together and cried and laughed and hugged and kissed because we realized how much we loved each other. Things didn't end up working out. And part of me feels upset that things can be so good and then end up so bad. But the truth is, the good times can stay good times. They can always be happy days even if things end. I will forever remember the way my heart felt in that drive thru even if we never see each other again.

So here's too feeling how you feel and never being ashamed of it, right?

I don't understand why we are required to act like nothing ever hurts and like we never actually cared. What if we did care a lot? And what if we did get hurt? Why can't we let people see that?? 

here's to being emotional and caring and vulnerable but still being freaking tough

K2

My brain has been going nonstop for what seems like a month now. 

I've had a lot happen. Life starts to go into slow motion when hardships hit and that has been the case with me lately. I've had plenty of time to reflect on my life, my attitude, my aspirations, and most of all, how I am going to handle it all. 

There was a time when everything felt carefree and easy. I was in love. So in love. I really still am. 

Everything felt smooth and natural. It felt like I had found it. Like I had found what I was looking for and what would be something I could count on to trust and expect.

But things changed. That's not how things are right now. They probably will never be that way again, at least how it once was. I hope and pray secretly that they will be. 

But that's not up to me.

but this is what's up to ME

I make the decision on how I live. I make the decision on the joy and excitement I feel for life regardless of what happens to me and regardless of how hurt I feel by others.

Let me visualize what I'm talking about. 

A few days before Thanksgiving in 2015 I went skiing for the first time in a very, very long time. I had never taken my skills beyond the bunny hill so this was a big learning day for me.

I had good teachers and I started to get the hang of things. But really, I just barely had the hang of things.

That day I decided that I LOVED skiing. It was so exhilarating and I so badly wanted to get faster and faster and just shred the mountain listening to good music with no inhibitions. 

So here's what I did. The day after Thanksgiving everyone was gone but I decided that I wanted to waste no time in growing my talent, so I went. I skiied all by myself the day after learning how to ski in the first place. To add to that scenario, I also used my mom's K2 skis from the 80s that were completely rusted over on the edges. I was alone, new to skiing, and using (in all honesty) terrible gear.

But I wanted to freaking ski!!

And isn't that all that matters??!

That's how we should live life. That's how I want to live my life everyday.

Did I fall a ton that day and feel embarrassed that I really didn't know what I was doing??

OF COURSE. 

But I took life head-on and took the opportunity without hesitation.

Lately I have been realizing everyday that I want that courage with me always. I want to have that relentless and undying determination to have the things that are important to me in life.

This summer I am going on a study abroad in Europe and I am looking forward to a lot with my major in Public Health. I am going try my hardest to utilize this newfound grit and bravery in those aspects. 

life is truly what you make it

so let's make it rock??