i just know i know i know that you're gonna be okay

HEY
currently listening to: The Wire by Haim (fav modern 80'sish band)

Today I came to a wonderful realization: life is real cool. On saturday I had one of the worst days in Long Jump that I have EVER had. It made me cry in front of my head coach, was humiliating, and shook me mentally, physically, and emotionally. I was hurt, mad, confused, angry, and exhausted. I didn't understand why that would happen but sometimes I believe things go wrong in our lives for a reason. To teach the lesson we least want. The one we need. I learned that I need to reassess my life and make some changes for the better. I have to stop worrying. I have to stop stressing. I have to repent, be better, and move forward in faith. What I failed to remember while I was crying my eyes out was that I PRed in triple jump, won the meet, rebroke the school record, AND got a huge picture of me in the newspaper. Crazy right?! I was too busy having a pity party that I failed to see how blessed I am. I am going to grow up. I'm going to do track in college or maybe I'm not. But I will be alright. I will eventually own a boutique where I will sell my artwork along with clothing, books, music, and plants that I find inspiring and beautiful and happy. I will do that. No one can stop me and no one can control me. I own my life and I own me. I was put here to be happy and to accomplish things and DANG IT I'm going to.

xoxo

jen

p.s. the photos at the top are some future house inspiration I have been loving. no relation to the post whatsoever

yeah, yeah

MY LIFE LATELY

school

Well, the results are in. I got into all the schools I applied to. BYU, University of Utah, Utah Valley University, and Utah State. Now to decide where to go. This is causing me some serious headaches. If I could just choose with no strings attached I am fairly certain I would choose University of Utah. Unfortunately their tuition is through the roof. There are so many pros and cons for each school it makes my stomach hurt. I need to really think hard and pray about it. I wish this was easier. Just the other night when my family was trying to read scriptures I threw a fit and ran to my room and sobbed for around 10 minutes straight. I guess I hadn't really cried about all the pressure and stress I was feeling and it really poured out. It was good to not have it bottled up anymore but made me realize how huge next year is for me. Moving away, living on my own, growing up; it's a lot. A lot.

track

This is probably my favorite on the list right this moment. I am so excited about this season of track. I am doing long jump, triple jump, and the 200. No 400 and no relays. I am sad about that but also extremely happy that I don't have to feel stretched in so many directions. I am really focusing on my jumps this year for college and am hoping it pays off. I know for sure that I want to compete in college. Division I athlete. I love the way that sounds. Recently I competed in the California State Indoor Meet in Fresno. It was so cool! It was my first official indoor meet and I took 5th in triple jump, set a PR, and broke the school record with a jump of 36'5"! I was so stoked. Other than that, I haven't had any really big meets. But I can't wait to see what is in store. I need to improve to be at a collegiate level, but I really feel like I am ready to break free and crush my goals.

donuts

I eat two cake donuts with white frosting and sprinkles nearly every morning. I may or may not have yelled DONUTS at the top of my lungs in my car after work on saturday and scrounged for 75 cents only to find they were closed because it was after noon. I also may or may not have recited a poem to myself in the car about how crushed I was about that.

friends

I made a new friend. His name is Kevin. I like him lots. We talk about anything and everything. Mostly in the evenings in his car. I love those. He asked me on a date on Valentines Day and it was the sweetest, most thoughtful thing anyone has ever done for little jband. I was amazed and enjoyed every second of it. I'm so excited he had the courage to talk to me and start a friendship that will last a lifetime I'm sure. We have hung out several times since then and every time I discover more about him and he discovers more about me. It's kinda like a never ending get to know you game. I always loved those games. He also gives me a newfound courage. Like in the school play when they asked if I would be a participant in the play? I totally said YEAH. Also I told them I was an amateur rapper. What of it.

My little brother is one of my very best friends. I am going to miss him SO much when I move away. I wish I would stop thinking about moving

Also, my good friend Keith asked me to Mormon Formal last Sunday. He blasted Where is the Love? by the Black Eyed Peas in my driveway with MOFO spelled out on the driveway with candles. I loved it so much. I made him rap the song with me while my friend Hagen recorded it. Priceless. Oh, and we say MOFO because my grandma thought the acronym for Mormon Formal was MOFO. hahahahahahahahahaha I just went with it.

church dances

They are my love. Seriously the best stress reliever the world has to offer. I usually go with my good gal pal Alysha and occasionally my good guy pal Kai Jensen. Such good times to be had by all. I don't think anyone who saw me in my 4th period pre calc class would ever think the moves I pull were possible out of quiet little jen's body. That just goes to show how horribly unsocial difficult math makes me.

80's music

I am currently listening to the CD I made for Kevin full of 80s music. THE GREATEST.

my favorite of the moment you ask? Faith by George Michael

I sang it the entire practice today and I'm pretty sure everyone got annoyed. Deal with it suckers.

poetry

I never was a huge fan of poetry. I liked it but never really felt like I could write it. Until this year in English. We did a section on poetry and it was the best. I wrote several poems and read them to my class. Quite an empowering experience. I realized that I have a little talent in writing. I know that I have always enjoyed writing but poetry is a beautiful outlet that I love. No need to write full sentences or explain what you mean you just write. I like that.

reading

I am reading Franny and Zooey and the Uglies. Both good. Both interesting. Both read instead of focusing in class. sorry teachers

xo

jennifer