Tears running down my face as my grandfather gave me a blessing on the first day of school. Grandma handed me fresh peaches as I ran out the door with puffy eyes to make it to Interior Design. That's when I knew it was over. The track meets in Arizona, the crushes on teammates, the constant roller coaster of getting my body in top shape, representing BYU across the nation, the slow motion videos of training running over and over in my mind. I'm going to miss it. I already do. But I have to take a year off. I have to. I need to have some freedom in my life for the first time in a long time.
This year is my year to socialize. My roommates are extensions of my personality in various forms. My BFFS for real. I am going to meet new people and make new friends and just freaking live my life. I am not going to have to practice 20 hours a week or skip church for the 700th time because of meets. It will just be refreshing.
IM FEELING REFRESHED.
I have time to come home and cook myself lunch and dinner. Time to make whatever I want without any time constraints. I have time to complete all the assigned readings. I have time to get a full 9 hours of sleep if I feel like it. I have time to think and to write letters. Time to nurture relationships and make the best of my situation.
I had time to think, so I thought about him. I thought about how much I was struggling when what I needed was right in front of me. He loved me unconditionally. He still does. We had the best of times together and it was beautiful and caring. It was a mutual relationship. One where we both wanted to better one another. But he always was kinder, more thoughtful to me. He would do anything for me. I loved the places we went and things we did. Midway. Ensign Peak. Park City. Velour. Alpine. Classic Skate.
But for now I am going to meet new people, go on more dates, write more of my emotions, be a better friend, develop my talents, and give myself some much needed space.
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